002. Ville de Rachat

[onecertainly]

[ The Exciting Adventures of a Vampire and a Regular Guy in a Cave

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[deshabille]

Right, you haven't seen a thing yet, let me tell you. Save your curses. Just wait until trip facefirst into a giant pit full of spikes or something, then call him a damned fool.

[Glancing over her shoulder, she smirks and shrugs.]

Depends on how bad the ship's damaged - if it is - and how drunk the Admiral is. Could be a few days, could be a week. Really no way of telling.

If it helps any, I don't strictly speaking need any of that food, so you can ration it all with yourself in mind.

[onecertainly]

[ It's probably the dire situation they're in, but Archie doesn't immediately register Mal's comment about food. It's one of those things that he'll likely reflect on later and realize "Oh, that was definitely a strange thing to say."

Now, though? Now, he's still content to fling insults at the Admiral. ]

I'll call him a damned fool now, and when I find the pit of spikes I'll call him worse. What's to be gained of this? I see nothing about stumbling through an underground cavern that might aid a warden in advising his inmate.

[deshabille]

There's nothing to be gained of it. It's sort of - do you know what team-building is? I just learned about it. Bonding through problem-solving. Only it's much worse, and more tedious and probably lethal when the Admiral does it.

[She shrugs.]

Anyway, you haven't got an inmate yet, so don't worry about it.

. . . Shit. Hannibal.

[onecertainly]

[ Team-building. So, like a training exercise. A really, really stupid training exercise.

He doesn't bother commenting on that, though, because the absence of Mal's apparent inmate seems more pressing at the moment. He sighs in the manner of someone who has not only had enough of this shit, but is also already dreading the imminent shit to come.]

Is he dangerous? Do you want to look for him first?

[deshabille]

Ah.

[She rubs the bridge of her nose, as though she's developing a headache. In fact it's a very elaborate affectation. She doesn't get headaches. But if she did, she'd be getting one right now.]

Yes, he's very dangerous. And no, I don't really want to, but we probably should.

[Who's the best warden? It is definitely, 100% Mal.]

[onecertainly]

[ !!! ]

...We will do that, then. If he is as dangerous as you say we should hope to find him before anything happens.

[ GREAT, as if being stuck in the dark wasn't enough, now he's worried about someone else's inmate. ]

[deshabille]

Something will happen regardless.

[She sounds fairly cheerful about this. It's just a fact. With Hannibal, something will inevitably happen.]

But if you're going to be responsible, I suppose I should be too. Try not to let him eat you.

[onecertainly]

[ Archie is quiet for a few seconds. ]

You don't mean that literally.

[ He says this with the quavery confidence of someone who's trying their hardest to convince themselves that what they've just said is true, and what they're thinking isn't.

But just to make sure: ]

A cannibal called Hannibal?

[deshabille]

[She waggles her eyebrows at him.]

Yes. Really. Isn't that just dreadful?

[onecertainly]

[ This is somehow both the dumbest and scariest thing Archie has ever heard. ]

Ah. Yes, dreadful indeed. [ Because one should never select a career based on whether or not it rhymes with one's name, yes, but mostly because:] I see the Admiral's imprudence truly is without limit.

[ seriously what kind of commanding officer purposely lets cannibals run around in a situation like this? ]

So we are to find a dangerous criminal in an underground cavern that we presently have no hope of navigating. I feel better about this with each passing minute.